Worry Not...He Will Do It Again

Tomorrow is the day. In twenty-four hours I will be boarding a van that will take me to Pittsburg, PA. From Pittsburg I travel to California, then to Singapore, and finally our destination in Cambodia. I am not nervous. To some that is no surprise but I expected to have some anxiety…at least about the flight. It’s a lot of flying.

I’ve been packed for days, although one last check tonight to try and shave about 2 pounds out of my suitcase. My tablet is stocked with some of my favorite movies, music, sermons, and books. (Mental note – check that charger is in carryon bag.) The practical elements are all covered. Honestly, I feel like I need more time to spiritually prepare. I’ve read my bible and prayed…but I could have done more. I should have fasted more.

If anything, right now, I feel inadequate. I know that is the enemy messing with me, but that is the general feeling I am experiencing. Who am I to share the Gospel in another country? There is so much I still need to work on in me…what if they realize I am not a “perfect” Christian? Those are the thoughts that attack, but I stand on God’s promises and here is what I know.

Know What You Know

I know once I took the step of faith and paid a deposit in my name, I have been bombarded with obstacles. Each obstacle has fallen as I timidly stepped forward in faith. As each monetary deadline approached, I would be overwhelmed with a feeling that I should back out, just to have the funds all come in…right on time. Family concerns, health issues, financial concerns at home, and so much more have resolved enough that leaving the country and being “out-of-pocket” for two weeks is not as daunting.

I’m honest enough to admit some of the obstacles were almost excuses. Some of the obstacles were far less dramatic than the way I perceived them. I was often overwhelmed with worry. There was a lot of fear in the beginning of this for me. Being so far from my family was certainly at the top of the list. Pushing so far outside of my comfort zone: praying for people who can’t even understand my words, leading people to Christ that can’t understand my language. It seemed too big. Then there have been the fears of snakes and other critters. How will I handle the smells? The food? That would generally escalate into a tizzy. You know how it goes, worry leads to fear, fear leads to the dark side. (To my Star Wars peeps...I know I missed a few steps there.)

Do It Again

There is a song called “Do It Again” by Elevation Worship. Part of the lyrics go like this, “I've seen You move, come move the mountains. And I believe, I'll see You do it again”. I love this song. It moves me to my core, because it is a reminder that God has already done so much for me, He WILL do it again. God has made ways for this mission trip that I cannot begin to articulate and put into words.

All these feelings I have battled with, every obstacle…God moved those mountains. The truth is that I am inadequate to the task ahead of me…in my own power. However, I am not relying on my own power, I am relying on God to work through me. I just have to be a willing vessel. God works through our weakness. If I could do this without him, it would all be vanity and I could boast of what "I" did. That is not the case, everything about this chapter in my life is hinged on God's strength, not my own.

As this team, and so many others depart to foreign and domestic locations, pray for them. My hesitations and fears mirror the hearts and minds of hundreds of thousands who have engaged in missions whether around the world or around the neighborhood corner. It is a privilege to have this opportunity. My personal prayer is that God will use me in ways I cannot imagine…and I have a big imagination. I know in my bones that Cambodia is the beginning of something in my life…something big. My heartfelt plea to you…don’t spend your life on the couch reading about what God does. Push passed your comfort zone and be a part of what God is doing. After all, why would God do something new in and through you, if you are content with being comfortable?