Cambodia Mission - July 11 Part 2
In the states I rarely eat breakfast. With our schedule here in Cambodia it is imperative to eat breakfast and since it is dinner time back home my body seems to receiving that. Our hotel stay includes a luxurious breakfast. I am not big on eggs, but there is plenty here to chose from to include fried rice for breakfast. I have absolutely fallen in love with Roselle. I do not know if it is a berry or grape or what it is but it is so delicious. I have had the juice and the marmalade each morning. Today I tried tofu for the first time. It was not bad. I have also had fermented kefir which Faith has assured me is great for my digestion. As you can see below, I am not skimping on my import meal of the day.
Blessedly, i don't believe a photo was taken of me with my head rested on my hands fast asleep. My friends had to nudge me. The very brief power nap did allow my eyes to start focusing properly again. Thankfully, we are headed back to the hotel for testimonies and sleep.
Khmer coffee is very strong. I have had it each morning and with so little sleep doubled up today with a cappuccino. (Since I literally fell asleep at the dinner table this is a good thing.)
Every Praise
It is appropriate that this morning I was singing "Every Praise". As we came together in the room this morning for prayer you could feel the energy still hanging on the group. At a point Brother Wes prompted me to go and pray for two specific people, two young women who have been on my heart long before this trip and even greater on my heart now that we are here.
I knew from our conversations what one of them needed, the other was somewhat veiled to me. Both of these young women have a strong spirit resting upon them. The have God fearing parents and these young women have more experience evangelizing than I do. I told one of these girls that I looked up to her because of her knowledge and memory of scripture. As i prayed for each one of them God spoke through me. It was not a voice in my head, it just flowed out of my mouth. I was too engaged in the Spirit to be in shock at that moment...but after I was in awe. I had been praying for that for myself. To know that that I emptied myself enough for God to move through me. I knew it instantly when I spoke to one of their issues and saw relief on her face and felt it in her body as words of encouragement flowed out of my mouth. Revelation, recognizing God is what I have been desiring with all my heart.
After our morning prayer, Sister Regina read Ephesians 4. From this chapter is where One Hope Missions found its name. Sister Regina was speaking about unity and shared her call to evangelism. There has been a part of me that felt guilty for not having this burn to snatch every person I see up and evangelize to them. After all, have I not been telling all of you for months we are all called to go into the world and preach?
Ephesians 4:11-16 speaks on the five fold gifts of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. In the NKJV is specifically uses the word some in front of prophets, evangelists, and pastors. God put it in my heart that we are not ALL called for these offices. To share the Gospel we are each called, but the call on these offices is different and God calls "some" to these offices.
As much as I have been asking to see clearly my calling, God needed me to first see I am not called to be all things...just what God calls me to. As much as I pray to see people, not just in Cambodia but everywhere, as God sees them. I am realizing I have to see me as God sees me. It is kind of like the instructions on the airplane to place the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others. How can I see others if I cannot even see myself? The enemy is trying his best to make me feel like this is a selfish statement, but it is not...it is essential to survival and being able to minister to others.
Broken and Spilled Out
I shared that I now realize I had to do this trip without my husband. Today, I understood the real reason I was here in Cambodia. To share the Gospel, absolutely. To help minister to the tangible, physical needs of others, definitely. I believe the actual purpose God has for me is to refresh me.
I never feel like I have done enough. It is rooted in inadequacy. I need to do more or better to "deserve" friendship, love and so on. This is the reason I crave feedback...to reinforce worth. I think it is the Martha in me. I have talked about my Martha moments before, but even in leaving American and traveling around the world I managed to remain in Martha mode. I want to do things perfect. My intentions are good, but instead of being like Mary and sitting at Jesus feet, I am trying to figure out how to arrange their travel and itinerary. I am in the kitchen making the food, because someone HAS to so it. I get so busy fixing things, I can't receive what I need to stay full and on fire.
Pastor Will is very good at trying to protect this "Overachiever-people-pleaser" aspect in my personality. He has actually asked me NOT to help with a few things. He and Pastor Luke both have talked about trying to pour from an empty vessel. Pastor Luke has shared the story of the starving baker who is so busy tending to others he starves to death. This is me. Time after time I deplete myself - family, friends, church, work, and the list goes on. Then I empty out completely. I disengage and end up fighting to get myself back to where I once was. It steals my joy and diminishes my light.
I have been pleading to see my calling. How can God show me my calling when I am busy making dinner, before He has a chance to speak? I am filling my vessel, I prayed last night and throughout the day for God's Spirit to flow through me. As requested, that is exactly what He did.
God needs me to use my "Martha gifts" with a "Mary heart". That is the balance.
Street Evangelism
I want to win the lost to the Kingdom, but this today pushed me. I was teamed with Momma Joi (praise God), Dakota and Bryceon. We surveyed our environment on Pub Street. We walked around to become a little accustomed to the area and finally stopped to speak with a woman at a Henna Tattoo stand. We selected tattoos and Dakota and Bryceon began to minister to the young woman as Joi and I went inside to start our tattoos.
I tried to engage with the man doing our tattoos but it was not connecting at all. He was more engaged with his phone. (Some things we have recognized as international obstacles.) Dakota and Bryceon joined us and said the young woman did not speak English. Once we were done, Momma Joi engaged the woman directly and shared the message. She remained resistant, but Momma gave her the message regardless. As all this unfolded a man approached name Dong. He was a victim of a land mine explosion. He had radial arm amputations and scars all over his body. He was selling books. According to him, he has 4 children he was trying to support. When I asked him about Jesus, he said he knew him in his heart. He did allow me to pray for him, for provision and the protection of his children.
What made Dong so impactful to me was not his injuries. In America, a person with similar injuries would be on disability with a measure of health care. Dong has none. He has to do something to survive. The other thing about Dong, I did not retract from him. One of my fears, was to encounter someone with severe injuries or deformities and to recoil from them. He was pleasant and kind. I was able to pray with him and he seemed truly grateful
At the end of the day we went into a shop where a young girl was working. I wanted to speak to her but I hesitated. Mrs. Joi senses something because she encouraged me to speak to her. As i spoke to her, she seemed open and engaged. We did not have a translator and she spoke little to no English. As we prayed the prayer of salvation, she said to hard. Another universally recognized issue...struggle. I simply said "me too" as we continued to work through the prayer. As we worked through I felt a heaviness, not from the young girl (Shangpan - I think), but around us. When i finished my prayer an older woman was glaring at me and I promise it sounded like she was hissing...like an angry cat. Walking away I learned what had been going on around me. Momma Joi saw the older woman and along with Bryceon tried to keep her distracted and away from where I was praying. They succeeded long enough for us to finish the prayer. Wise a serpents, gentle as doves. We headed toward a place called Laundry, think it was an actual laundry. We are not the only ones being strategic. I thought a laundry would have a captive audience...turned out to be a wine and spirits shop.
The feeling of heaviness and darkness struck me a few times during the day. That was by far the most profound, but multiple times during the day I found myself quietly speaking in tongues when I felt a heaviness. Sometimes I was doing so without even realizing I was speaking in tongues. There are beautiful elements to Cambodia. The people are lovely, gracious and kind. Yet, here is a powerful darkness present here as well. On pub street, it was a palpable oppression. I am thankful we built up so much in the Spirit before hitting the streets.
Here are some shots of the pub street area:
Ruth
Many of you know that I find Ruth to be one of the most fascinating women in the Bible. Part of that comes from that being the first book of the Bible I read entirety. Her dedication, submission, her faithfulness just astound me. One of the translators joining us is Teacher Ruth. She is a petite, lovely Khmer woman. She is single mom raising an 11 year old. She made preparations, sacrifices to come evangelize with the Americans. Her son is with people of the church in her village. She has been born again for 6 years and has done more in 6 years for the Kingdom and her son, than most of us will do in a lifetime.
Rachel and I were both more than willing to share our room so that the translators could be blessed and stay with us at the hotel. There was a wash of joy when I heard our temporary roomie was named Ruth. Though we have not yet talked at length, I already admire this woman. In the US, when I was a single mom, I had help. Help from the government, help from my family, and help from dear friends. I could drop the boys at daycare to go to work and pop by the grocery store on the way home. We may have lived off Ramen noodles and canned veggies for a period of time, but having basic needs met was never, ever an issue.
I remember telling someone I wanted my son to return from Cambodia last year with a grateful heart for all he has. The joke is on me. I am blessed beyond all measure. Despite the hardships of my life, I have never struggled like these beautiful people. I have never been this selfless and if I am honest there is a measure of shame to the lack of gratitude I have expressed for the privilege of the life I lead back home. I am always chasing more, bigger, better. I want to provide better for my family, which is fine, but not when we chase that to the exclusion of be grateful for what we already have.
I know as I get to know Teacher Ruth better, I will be blessed. I pray that the knowledge that is coming alive in my spirit never diminishes. Lord let me recognize your spirit in others, let me see them as you see them, and love them as you love them.
Days End
I have slept about 6 hours since w left Los Angeles...total. By the time the team met for dinner, jet lag kicked in and my adrenaline pooped out. We had dinner at Central Cafe. Our group had actually stopped here earlier in the day for a soda. Dinner was very good. With lack of sleep, I knew I had to be careful what I ate. I tend to get nauseated when sleep deprived. I had an Italian panini and a mezze plate. (All up in my Mediterranean food.) I could have eaten two of the mezze plates...it was the best baba ganoush I have ever had.
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