Focus Even in The Fog

I have read and heard that fasting brings about expected side effects like brain fog. That inability to process information the way you normally would or perhaps a bit of forgetfulness. There are other physiological effects that one can expect like hunger and headaches, but you experience those whether you are fasting or just eliminating things from your diet. (Think of giving up caffeine, carbs, or sugar for dietary reasons)

Our Pastors have warned of things bubbling up from within. I have a friend who was ready to force feed her husband a Snickers bar, evidently he has a grumpy side when fasting. Again, those are things I anticipate at this point. I am a "why" person and that type of person loves to research. I have done my homework on fasting from both a spiritual and a physical perspective - I did not just take one person's word for it.

Commentary According to Sue (Not a thing yet)

Truth in the Word, Not The Opinion

Some things that were unexpected came up for me today. Perhaps it is something you can relate too. First, my fight instinct flared up. I read a reaction to a post and I went into defensive mode. I wanted to respond, but praise the Lord, that need to research rose up in me first. (I still don't want to look like a moron when I engage in a debate.) The desire to retaliate in words burned in me. Then I tried to research the issue. I look up scripture. Checked the Lexicon. Then I looked at commentary. Perhaps it was brain fog, but commentary fried my brain when I tried to make sense of it. I never responded to the person's post that so infuriated me. I am thankful I did not. I did reach out to a trusted source and ask how to make sense of commentary and research material regarding scripture.

The fact is commentary is no different than listening to different ministers or reading different translations of the Bible. All of these tools can provide enlightenment and help you see things from a different perspective; however, the ultimate way to discern the scripture is to read it and meditate on it with the Holy Spirit. I still have my moments where I want additional resources. The fact is the Bible is a collection of 66 resources. Sixty-six books that tell me everything I need to know. It is, what it is. Jesus said love your enemy...no interpretation is needed. Jesus said go preach and make disciples...again no interpretation is required. It is, what it is. Some aspects, I do need to learn more about the culture of the time to make sense of context. Once the context is known...even that is pretty straight forward.

What About Me?

The other issue that rose up was this thought of "what about me". It came from absolutely no where. I was not talking to anyone, I was actually thinking about today's prayer point for the fast. Suddenly, all these thoughts of victories others had come to memory and my thought was what about me? It felt wrong and selfish. (Probably because it is selfish) This is a reaction I thought I had dealt with, I have not given voice to that in almost two years. I asked for forgiveness and I willed myself to go back to today's prompt.

Can I blame brain fog again? All day I have prayed and thought on God searching my heart, my life for things that did not meet the standard of righteousness. This envious thought toward others was what was revealed. Without realizing, I guess I had buried it instead of dealing with it. In my head, I know God's timing is perfect. I have rejoiced with my friends at the blessings and answers to prayer they received. I was truly happy for them.God has provided for me and blessed me ample times. I have amazing testimony of things God has done and is doing in my life, yet I compared my provision to someone else, envy lurked in my heart. To compare your provision to mine, means I took my eyes off God. In "dealing" with this issue, I buried. I used head knowledge and logic to quiet the response. I failed to give it to God so he could eradicate it.

I suspect other things will "bubble up". It will happen for you as well. If you are really seeking God, revelation will come. Sometimes the revelation will enlighten scripture and expand your knowledge. Sometimes revelation will bring you face to face with yourself. You have to make a choice, will you sulk about what you see or will you allow the Holy Spirit to deal with you and let God's grace wash over you.

I cannot help but think of David. Though he was a man after God's own heart, he messed up. He messed up a lot. He had some character flaws that he had to face. He had to humble himself before the Lord and seek forgiveness and grace. Psalm 43:5 David is speaking encouragement, life to his own being. Today, I had a moment of disquiet in my soul because of what I saw in myself, but my hope is in the Lord. His grace is sufficient me, now and always.