Where's The Confidence?
I reached out to a friend today because I felt those tendrils of anxiety tightening around me. Later in the evening, she posted a link from Elevation Church titled, "I Will Be Confident". Best 3 minutes I have spent on You Tube...ever. Since seeing it, I have repeated it over and over...and one more time.
What I keep going back to is somewhere near halfway through. "His might, not mine. His plan, not mine. His hand, not mine." That led me back to the sermon in a sentence from Levi Lusko, "When your touch is light, your hand can be full."
You may get tired of reading this, trust me, I get tired of admitting and writing about it. This IS my personal struggle. Control. Letting go. Knowing what comes next and how to plan for it. I used to say it was because my faith was half a mustard seed. That is not the case. I have faith. It is growing and I seek to cultivate it and know God better. I know God loves me. I know He is my provider. I talk to him daily, throughout the day. I reach out in prayer. I reach out to sisters in faith. I want to get past this. My grip has lessened, but my touch is still not light.
Wait. Before you think I am patting myself on the back. I also want to lose weight and get healthy. I read and study healthier ways to live...usually while contemplating an ice cream run. I want to be fit and not have a melt down whenever someone suggests, "try this on".
What makes me or anyone run in this never ending circle? I personally do not know of anyone without some kind of hang-up. (For me it is carbs and control.) I want to break the cycle. There is a fear of failure that keeps me from really digging in on the healthy living. I have a problem seeing small progress in myself as a positive. Instead I make a mistake and I take every ounce of self-loathing and cram it into my mouth. (That is both metaphorical and literal.) I do it with my faith too. Sometimes, I am so worried about failing at something that I stay on the bench. Seriously, how can you fail sharing your love of God. It does not even make sense!
I am a daughter of the Most High. He loved me before I even considered loving Him. Everything is "His plan, not mine." I just need to follow his direction.
You might be thinking, "take a hint, maybe you are not meant to go". To which I am going to answer, "The devil is a liar." A MAJOR obstacle was overcome with my job so I could go on this trip and not incur the massive financial loss I anticipated. God has already moved in ways, I would not dare explain, for me to be able to go on this mission trip. It is going to happen. The funding is coming...I just do not know how...that is exciting in the spirit and terrifying in the flesh.
Matthew 7:7 states, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I get sick at the thought of asking for help. I realize that shows ugly of pride, but I hate to inconvenience others. I can't stand that uncomfortable feeling when someone is trying to nicely tell you no. You will never receive what you do not ask for. It is true in faith, in career, and yes...even on menus.
I have had a few people be very generous in their giving. I am deeply grateful. If you have not contributed, this is all I ask. I generally average 65 readers for any given blog post. Would you consider donating to my mission trip? I am asking you for a $20 donation within the next 7 days. That meets the immediate deadline and gives a little toward the final June deadline. (PayPal.me/SueGallien) Yes, I need your prayers. The whole team needs your prayers. The people we will encounter, need your prayers. I also need your financial support to make this happen.
I have a clear vision of writing a book about this mission trip. It has already been started. I am interviewing others who have been on mission trips and will be interviewing my companions as we travel. Not all of us are called to foreign missions, but we are all called to missions it says it very clear in Mark 16:15. It is not a negotiable part of being a Christian I want to answer that call. I want to be bolder, more obedient. I want to use my writing to glorify God and spread the gospel. I want to be consumed by a fire to share my faith. I can't explain it, but something about this trip is the key to whatever is next in my walk of faith. I can feel it deep in my bones. I ran from this trip. I made every excuse. I am done running from what God wants of me. Not anymore.
What I keep going back to is somewhere near halfway through. "His might, not mine. His plan, not mine. His hand, not mine." That led me back to the sermon in a sentence from Levi Lusko, "When your touch is light, your hand can be full."
You may get tired of reading this, trust me, I get tired of admitting and writing about it. This IS my personal struggle. Control. Letting go. Knowing what comes next and how to plan for it. I used to say it was because my faith was half a mustard seed. That is not the case. I have faith. It is growing and I seek to cultivate it and know God better. I know God loves me. I know He is my provider. I talk to him daily, throughout the day. I reach out in prayer. I reach out to sisters in faith. I want to get past this. My grip has lessened, but my touch is still not light.
Wait. Before you think I am patting myself on the back. I also want to lose weight and get healthy. I read and study healthier ways to live...usually while contemplating an ice cream run. I want to be fit and not have a melt down whenever someone suggests, "try this on".
What makes me or anyone run in this never ending circle? I personally do not know of anyone without some kind of hang-up. (For me it is carbs and control.) I want to break the cycle. There is a fear of failure that keeps me from really digging in on the healthy living. I have a problem seeing small progress in myself as a positive. Instead I make a mistake and I take every ounce of self-loathing and cram it into my mouth. (That is both metaphorical and literal.) I do it with my faith too. Sometimes, I am so worried about failing at something that I stay on the bench. Seriously, how can you fail sharing your love of God. It does not even make sense!
I am a daughter of the Most High. He loved me before I even considered loving Him. Everything is "His plan, not mine." I just need to follow his direction.
Why Today?
What caused anxiety to spark such panic? I have a major deadline for Cambodia in two weeks (April 15th). The next deposit is $1500...I have $400. I sent out letters to family and friends. I have sold candy. I ran a Facebook event. We sold candles. We sold t-shirts. Everything that should be working to raise money has resulted in frustration.You might be thinking, "take a hint, maybe you are not meant to go". To which I am going to answer, "The devil is a liar." A MAJOR obstacle was overcome with my job so I could go on this trip and not incur the massive financial loss I anticipated. God has already moved in ways, I would not dare explain, for me to be able to go on this mission trip. It is going to happen. The funding is coming...I just do not know how...that is exciting in the spirit and terrifying in the flesh.
Matthew 7:7 states, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." I get sick at the thought of asking for help. I realize that shows ugly of pride, but I hate to inconvenience others. I can't stand that uncomfortable feeling when someone is trying to nicely tell you no. You will never receive what you do not ask for. It is true in faith, in career, and yes...even on menus.
I have had a few people be very generous in their giving. I am deeply grateful. If you have not contributed, this is all I ask. I generally average 65 readers for any given blog post. Would you consider donating to my mission trip? I am asking you for a $20 donation within the next 7 days. That meets the immediate deadline and gives a little toward the final June deadline. (PayPal.me/SueGallien) Yes, I need your prayers. The whole team needs your prayers. The people we will encounter, need your prayers. I also need your financial support to make this happen.
I have a clear vision of writing a book about this mission trip. It has already been started. I am interviewing others who have been on mission trips and will be interviewing my companions as we travel. Not all of us are called to foreign missions, but we are all called to missions it says it very clear in Mark 16:15. It is not a negotiable part of being a Christian I want to answer that call. I want to be bolder, more obedient. I want to use my writing to glorify God and spread the gospel. I want to be consumed by a fire to share my faith. I can't explain it, but something about this trip is the key to whatever is next in my walk of faith. I can feel it deep in my bones. I ran from this trip. I made every excuse. I am done running from what God wants of me. Not anymore.
Closing Remarks
This is my invitation to you to help me fulfill the call of Mark 16:15...to go into the world and preach the gospel. I ask you to please share this invitation. I am confident that God will make a way. Too many obstacles have fallen already, He is not going to stop now. Will you partner with me? I am asking for donations within the next week (by April 6) to PayPal.me/SueGallien.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying. Thank you for giving. Thank you for sharing.
Give generously to them and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to. Deuteronomy 15:10
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