One Shade of Freed

I have seen a lot of controversy over the Fifty Shades of Grey books and movies over the years. This year the controversy seems more rampant. Perhaps because of the #metoo movement. The movement has brought deeper awareness of abuse, especially in the confines of relationships with greatly skewed power.

Many commentators admit to never having read the books or seen any of the movies. Let's be honest, you do not have to read or watch this to know abuse is present. I would like to provide comment from someone who did read all the books and saw the first two movies. I carry a measure of shame as I admit that to you. But perhaps my point of view will give fans of the series a different perspective.

The Books & Movies

I read the books at the height of their fame. About 5 years ago or so. I worked as a probation officer which meant long days in court just waiting. Most of us read to prevent dozing off. The Fifty Shades of Grey books were passed from person to person. I read the first one and was intrigued. First I did not understand how such a poorly written book could be a best seller. The personal interactions are convoluted, even for fiction. The sexual encounters are ridiculous, especially with a virginal lead female character. Not to mention the edits were terrible. The book was filled with misspellings and poor grammatical structure. Then there was the added tag of it being called "Mommy Porn".

I read the remaining books out of curiosity and a drive to complete. Yes, even crappy books I feel compelled to complete the series. I have to know what happens. (This is why I do not read too many series books.) They had to improve, right? Some back story explained Mr. Grey's eccentricities, but why was this girl hanging around? Honestly, the first movie surprised me. The story was told far better than in the books. Some of the most disturbing scenes were removed to my personal relief.

Me Too

This handsome, wealthy man, well...he is creepy. First he is a stalker. Second he is hyper controlling - even to dictating what she can eat, drink, and wear. To anyone who has experienced abuse these are HUGE red flags. This young woman is in an abusive relationship. What makes it worse, she knows it. She recognized that the same consensual relationship was abusive between Mr. Grey and the woman who introduced him to the idea of submissive and dominants. We saw an increase of these "dominant" approach to relationships around the same time the books became so popular.

I think that Mr. Grey is the one I was most curious about. Here is a man who as a child is present for days with his dead mother. He was abused and has the cigarette burn marks to prove it. He is rescued by a kind and wealthy family. Then he is subjected to his own #metoo experience with his mother's best friend. These encounters are what educated him on what is acceptable between people intimately involved. The person of Mr. Grey is a poster-child for the cycle of abuse we see in social culture. He is damaged and he only feels he can control that by controlling others.

The girl in the story recognizes how broken this man is and suffers the desire to save him. Change him. How many women have died in relationships where they tried to save or change an abusive partner? It is like she develops a hybrid Florence Nightingale and Stockholm syndrome - she can't leave, she wants to save him, so she accepts her role and "consents" to the debauchery. 

No Judgment From Me

There are people out there who will judge you if you have read the books or watched the movies. I am not here to do that. If you are into the story, pay attention to the abuses. Please, do not see or read this and think...how romantic. These are tragically damaged people trapped in cycles of abuse. 

Here is my other request. If you are a Christian, is this really the kind of movie or literature that feeds your soul. Things either edify us or tear us down. Would you feel shame if your Pastor, Mother, or Father saw you walk out of that theater. Would you want your little girl to watch it? Is it the story you would want her to have as her own? Would you invite Jesus over for movie night and show this film? Probably not. 

Again, I am not judging anyone. Before my heart was changed I watched, read and listened to all sorts of things that had a negative impact on me. No one told me stop. I am not obeying some code or list of rules. The Holy Spirit dealt my heart and I no longer crave such things. I do not need Fifty Shades Freed...I have one shade of freedom and it is Jesus Christ my Savior.

"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

2 Corinthians 3:17