Get Thee Behind Me...

 

"Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns." Matthew 16:23

Have you ever experienced discipline? I do not mean one of your parents spanking you or being grounded...those are punishments. I mean discipline. Growing up for me, it was the conversation before the punishment. My Daddy or my Papa looking me in the eye and calling me out. They were often frustrated, but always loving. I feared being punished, but I never recall fearing my Daddy or my Papa. The discipline came because they knew I was better than what I had done. They knew letting it go would be harmful to me. Discipline was very much drenched in love. (Punishment is where frustration usually showed up.)

Today, I had an experience that very much reminded me of those pre-punishment talks from my Daddy or Papa. A man of God looked at me and called me out on everything that I had been drowning under for so many months. My joy was depleted. My mustard seed of faith was split in two. My resources exhausted. Where did the fault lie? I could tell you that I am stressed about this or that. I could blame too many commitments and not enough hours in the day. Or I could be honest and tell you I failed to put on my mask.

Secure Yourself First

If you have ever been on an airplane or watched a movie with an airplane you have heard the instructions to put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. Intuitively this feels wrong. Shouldn't we help this person or handle that problem? Sure, help people...but care for yourself first. I've spoken before of a parable our Pastor used about a starving baker that was so busy baking he starved to death. The baseline for both examples is that if you have nothing to give...you can't help anyone. Whether I die of starvation or lose consciousness due to lack of oxygen...I'm not of much use.

This brought me back to last weeks sermon and Pastor's comments about availability and ability. Considering what was revealed to me today...I have not been either. It's not just about time or capability. A man of God told me today that my shield was cracked. He said he could physically see the weight I was carrying around. He wasn't the only one. A few different people from church have expressed concern about me not being "myself". I thought I was doing fine. Don't wallow in stuff...get things done. I did not realize how heavy things were weighing on me until around Thanksgiving. I thought it was getting better, but I was faking it to the point that at least I believed I was better. No more pretending. No more fake it till you make it. I was also reminded today that "No" is not a dirty word. God is meeting me where I am and getting me back where I belong...starting today.

Get Out of The Way Already

It seems like all these moments of thinking God was saying "not now" or "just wait" was most likely me depleted and thinking I had the answers. I am a fixer. I want to solve the problem and make things better. All this time, Jesus is screaming at me the same thing he spoke to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me.". There are a few ways you could interpret that but let me explain how I mean it. I'm so busy filling dead space and fixing things I have not been hearing God. Instead of trying to be God's "fixer" I should be standing behind him letting Him take the battle. I need to get behind, under the shelter of His wing. I need to accept peace, compassion and the rest that only comes from fullness in God. I need to get out of the way.

Faith

Increased faith is what I want more than anything. Today, Wes talked about the relationship between hope and faith. When I went to North Carolina after my brother-in-law's accident, I hoped he would walk again. I could envision him, clearly, playing with his children and functioning as if no accident took place. I hoped for it and last week he stood up of his own volition. I pray in faith over his healing. One day at a time it is unfolding, faster than medical professionals believed it would. There are a handful of things I have envisioned with clarity in the last few months. It is time to speak over them with that same assurance. It is time to act on my faith and activate my faith for me. What good is it to profess healing and blessing if it is not evident in my own life? 

Step one is taking time for me and God. Getting further into His word and spending more time in prayer, seeking wisdom for how and what to pray. This is how I gain my strength. This is me putting on the oxygen mask. Step two is activating my faith. Taking action based on what is promised in God's word. Step three....I have no idea. When I need to know step three, God will reveal it. Until then I am going to forgive myself and stop looking back at every mistake. My past, is not my future!