Blessed Me, Whoa is Me, Praise God It's Not All About Me

I am blessed.

I'm not just saying that to say it. I am really a blessed person. I have a loving husband. I have great kids. I have a comfortable home, a great family, wonderful friends and two dogs I love to pieces. Knowing this makes me get mad at myself for feeling disappointed. I have recently shared with some people very close to me that I dream of working...in ministry. The dreams ebb and flow. Sometimes I am project manager over some event or task. Other times heading up a community outreach kitchen. If I have been writing heavy that day, the dreams are exclusively writing books, blogs and skits for the church...for ministry. It's actually a little pathetic cause sometimes it's not anything exciting, I am just cleaning and packing. Most of my spare time, outside of work, is devoted in some way to my faith: volunteer work, bible study or prayer. (Even a good portion of my work day is prayer, praise and worship.)

I am being prepared for something

This past Sunday was "Miracle Sunday" at our church. The entire focus was in looking to the God who can deliver us. Not just healing physically, but spiritual and emotional healing. Looking to God for prosperity and blessing. I had a hundred things stirring in my heart. I asked for physical healing but more than anything I want something to change in my career.

Understand, asking for deliverance in my job situation feels to me like I am an ungrateful brat. I struggle with being unsatisfied with the work I am doing and the desire to do something meaningful. My heart is tied to the volunteer work I do in my church. I love for it and I am grateful to be so involved. The only downside, I wake up Monday morning and resent my job a little more.

I wonder if David felt this way while tending his sheep. Not knowing what is in store but knowing there is something far more important in your future. I can't help but wonder where I would have been in ministry if I had not ran from it 20+ years ago. I was called. I answered. Then I hung up. How many heart aches would I have saved myself from if I had just obeyed God back then? (Little more Jonah in a fish than David with the sheep) I can't turn back time. Truthfully, I would not want too. My mistakes and outright sins have created the person I am today. God then made this person's heart new. I like who I am. Except when I find myself whining about my job.

So what has happened since Sunday

Part of my answer came from simply not crying in my vehicle as I started my work day. It breaks my heart to go do my job. I have no joy in it. So every morning I pray. I give thanks I have a job to go too. I give thanks I have insurance. I give thanks for a great supervisor, a good team and a company sponsored vehicle. I usually cry through the entire prayer. That crying is guilt. I feel guilty for not having a measure of passion about my job. God is steadfast and he eases the yearning that weighs on my heart. He has something in store for me. He has something in store for me soon. It seemed that throughout the last few days comments have been made on the radio about being prepared by God for the "next thing". I'm getting the message. This is a season of growth.

I've said this before, but some miracles happen in phases. Yes, God could have had someone walk up and offer me my dream job in the middle of the altar service, but maybe I am not quite ready for what he has in store for me. When your heart's desire does not materialize instantly, it doesn't mean God is saying "no". He is preparing you for exactly what you seek or something better than you could imagine. Frankly, I can imagine a lot, good thing God can exceed even my imagination.

Last week, I met with a friend to discuss a variety of things. Other than my husband, she was the first person I had shared my dissatisfaction with concerning my job. She was the very person I told about my dreams of working in the church or in a facet of ministry. She shared with me something she was once told, "a calling in ministry is an itch you can't scratch till you are doing it".  In that moment it honestly annoyed me more than helped me. The more I think on it, it seems to soothe my soul a bit. God is calling me. He will prepare me and qualify me for whatever he has in store. I do not know if my dreams are flights of my fancy imagination or if it is God giving me a glimpse of what I will be doing in the future. One day, I am going to look back and everything will suddenly click. I will see how God prepared me and set me in the right direction. Today does not appear to be that day.

In all things give PRAISE

That phrase used to irritate me. I mean how do you praise when you are miserable? You are not praising God for the misery, you are praising Him in spite of the misery. Your sick...praise God for the healing in store. You don't know how you are paying your bills...thank God for what you have and His provision. No WHERE in the bible does it say "be ye fake". No one is thankful for a broken heart or the loss of a loved one. No one rejoices at the loss of a child or a grave diagnosis. We are thankful that we were able to love. We are thankful we have loved ones in our life, even for a season. We are thankful for the support of a church family or close friends. We are thankful for new life and for healing. Being thankful when you are in a valley is difficult in the beginning, but when you pray and seek God in faith it becomes easier. Joy is coming to a heart near you, if you praise and worship God.

So join me in being thankful I have a job and thankful for what God has in store. (Thankful I have you to whine too a little bit when I forget to put on my big girl pants.) Gratitude changes your attitude which always changes your altitude. If you want to find something to complain about or to be depressed about, you do not have to search far. The same is true for finding things to give praise for...they are both within reach. You just have to decide which one to pick up.