God Did Not Promise Easy...
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
I apologize for the absence over the last week. Getting back into the rhythm with work has been a little more daunting than anticipated. I am thankful to be back working, but my heart is less in it than before. It is a good job, especially for the area I live in, but I know what I want to be doing. I know God is leading me to something...I just can't see where it will land. (Mustard Seeds)
I think I have mentioned before that I was my parents' "WHY" child. I always needed an explanation, a reason or a plan of action. Some things never change. I picture the same face my Daddy made on God's face. (You know the look; slightly proud, completely exasperated and ready for me to shut up so I can listen.) As an adult it is more of a "Why and How". Why would God do this or how is God going to do that? It is not so much doubt as it is curiosity and impatience.
So until the door opens, the Spirit guides or I get an email from Heaven...I continue to work at my job. (Don't laugh about the email...do not put limits on God - it is unlikely, but I am not about to tell Him he can't do that...are you? Hello, burning bush, angels...it is not like He never used a messenger.) I do a lot of driving during the day and it gives me too much time to think. I could probably crank out 3-4 blogs per day with the thoughts buzzing through my head, if I had time. Ideas for the book, specific scenes and such come to me and I get home and its gone. Or I am too tired to write. It is an exercise in frustration, but I am trying to persevere.
God has been so good to me. He is not about to stop now that I am seeking Him. I have managed to pinpoint a few issues I need to work on. I really do not have an issue with being thankful to God. I do pretty well at praying for others. I struggle with asking God for what I want or need. Feel free to laugh at me about this, but I feel like it is selfish to ask God for things. Even something like healing, I feel it is a selfish request for me to ask for healing. I would love to tell you this is some sort of piety, but it is not. I think it's a bit of that worthlessness in a different package. God tells us to ask. Over and over we are told to ask, to seek, and to follow.
The other aspect is I'm afraid to ask. My faith is still small. Maybe not mustard seed small, my faith is growing, developing but at times feels very new and fragile. What if I pray and nothing happens? I'm okay with the idea that I might have more work to do within myself, but I am afraid that asking for healing and not achieving it will cause my faith to shrink. I would rather have migraines than to lose any of what I have gained in my faith. This probably sounds ridiculous to you. It is not about me doubting God, it is about doubting myself.
This is the next step in my walk. Bolding asking God for what I need or want. Standing on the promises He gave us and calling upon that same power. Maybe this is part of the "working out your salvation with fear and trembling". I am walking with God. I stumble almost daily right now, but I have peace and joy like never before. I have had a few major life events recently and although I am concerned, I am not worrying and losing sleep over them. I pray about it. I pray about the people I love. I pray for my church, my community and even customers I encounter. I am a new creation, but I am a growing creation. So be patient with me, I am still under construction.
I apologize for the absence over the last week. Getting back into the rhythm with work has been a little more daunting than anticipated. I am thankful to be back working, but my heart is less in it than before. It is a good job, especially for the area I live in, but I know what I want to be doing. I know God is leading me to something...I just can't see where it will land. (Mustard Seeds)
I think I have mentioned before that I was my parents' "WHY" child. I always needed an explanation, a reason or a plan of action. Some things never change. I picture the same face my Daddy made on God's face. (You know the look; slightly proud, completely exasperated and ready for me to shut up so I can listen.) As an adult it is more of a "Why and How". Why would God do this or how is God going to do that? It is not so much doubt as it is curiosity and impatience.
So until the door opens, the Spirit guides or I get an email from Heaven...I continue to work at my job. (Don't laugh about the email...do not put limits on God - it is unlikely, but I am not about to tell Him he can't do that...are you? Hello, burning bush, angels...it is not like He never used a messenger.) I do a lot of driving during the day and it gives me too much time to think. I could probably crank out 3-4 blogs per day with the thoughts buzzing through my head, if I had time. Ideas for the book, specific scenes and such come to me and I get home and its gone. Or I am too tired to write. It is an exercise in frustration, but I am trying to persevere.
God has been so good to me. He is not about to stop now that I am seeking Him. I have managed to pinpoint a few issues I need to work on. I really do not have an issue with being thankful to God. I do pretty well at praying for others. I struggle with asking God for what I want or need. Feel free to laugh at me about this, but I feel like it is selfish to ask God for things. Even something like healing, I feel it is a selfish request for me to ask for healing. I would love to tell you this is some sort of piety, but it is not. I think it's a bit of that worthlessness in a different package. God tells us to ask. Over and over we are told to ask, to seek, and to follow.
The other aspect is I'm afraid to ask. My faith is still small. Maybe not mustard seed small, my faith is growing, developing but at times feels very new and fragile. What if I pray and nothing happens? I'm okay with the idea that I might have more work to do within myself, but I am afraid that asking for healing and not achieving it will cause my faith to shrink. I would rather have migraines than to lose any of what I have gained in my faith. This probably sounds ridiculous to you. It is not about me doubting God, it is about doubting myself.
This is the next step in my walk. Bolding asking God for what I need or want. Standing on the promises He gave us and calling upon that same power. Maybe this is part of the "working out your salvation with fear and trembling". I am walking with God. I stumble almost daily right now, but I have peace and joy like never before. I have had a few major life events recently and although I am concerned, I am not worrying and losing sleep over them. I pray about it. I pray about the people I love. I pray for my church, my community and even customers I encounter. I am a new creation, but I am a growing creation. So be patient with me, I am still under construction.
God Did Not Promise Easy...He Promised Glory
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