What a Roller Coaster
The Jeep arrived yesterday. So we are officially a one car family. It's actually a relief, but with good comes the not so good.
A few days back I mentioned how much time I had spent with doctors lately. I thought I was in the home stretch but alas, my biopsy came back suspect. They now need to schedule me for a cone biopsy. (This all has to do with abnormalities in the cells of the cervix). This procedure will either resolve the issues and concerns of the doctor or provide a confirmation no one wants to even consider.
I am trying not to worry but that is a tall order. My instincts are to start planning and preparing for the different possibilities. Beyond the week i have to take off for the procedure i become stress paralyzed thinking of the what-ifs. I can talk things through just fine but my brain just stops functioning when I try to put the plan to paper.
I can't help but wonder if this is God's way of answering my prayer. I can't plan for other possibilities because I'm absolutely fine or I can't do it because I need to focus my energy elsewhere. I read the worry is actually of defiance when it comes to faith. I've been trying to read scripture, a devotion or sing a praise song when the worry creeps in. (Been singing alot). It's times like this I wish my faith were strong and not something I am trying to rekindle and refresh.
I have to say I am very thankful for a great boss. So many people have to fight their supervisors when they have medical issues arise. My boss is so supportive and is looking out for me. We have a great team in general, but my supervisor really is awesome to work for.
I do not pretend to be anything I am not. I struggle with my faith but God has absolutely been dealing in my life this week in a very real way. Many experiences this last week have reinforced my plans to go tiny in the near future. It's a Roller Coaster ride but somehow I am ok.
A few days back I mentioned how much time I had spent with doctors lately. I thought I was in the home stretch but alas, my biopsy came back suspect. They now need to schedule me for a cone biopsy. (This all has to do with abnormalities in the cells of the cervix). This procedure will either resolve the issues and concerns of the doctor or provide a confirmation no one wants to even consider.
I am trying not to worry but that is a tall order. My instincts are to start planning and preparing for the different possibilities. Beyond the week i have to take off for the procedure i become stress paralyzed thinking of the what-ifs. I can talk things through just fine but my brain just stops functioning when I try to put the plan to paper.
I can't help but wonder if this is God's way of answering my prayer. I can't plan for other possibilities because I'm absolutely fine or I can't do it because I need to focus my energy elsewhere. I read the worry is actually of defiance when it comes to faith. I've been trying to read scripture, a devotion or sing a praise song when the worry creeps in. (Been singing alot). It's times like this I wish my faith were strong and not something I am trying to rekindle and refresh.
I have to say I am very thankful for a great boss. So many people have to fight their supervisors when they have medical issues arise. My boss is so supportive and is looking out for me. We have a great team in general, but my supervisor really is awesome to work for.
I do not pretend to be anything I am not. I struggle with my faith but God has absolutely been dealing in my life this week in a very real way. Many experiences this last week have reinforced my plans to go tiny in the near future. It's a Roller Coaster ride but somehow I am ok.
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