Talking to Myself
I can be a little odd. I sing at the top of my lungs in the car. I have ongoing conversations with God and sometimes myself throughout the day. To an outsider, watching from the neighboring vehicle, I probably look like I have completely lost it. I clear a lot out of my head. You would be amazed how crowded my brain gets. Which brings me to that little voice in my head.
I just finished reading a blog from Michael Hyatt about our internal narrators entitled, "What Story Are You Telling Yourself". The concepts are not revolutionary to me. In fact I spent years telling probationers to stop listening to their own negative self-talk. Though this is not a foreign concept to me, I am certainly guilty of not taking my own advice.
My inner voice typically narrates things from the perspective of fear. Where I like to ask "why", the narrator in my head likes to ask "how"? I cannot explain it, but "how" has the tendency to scare the crap out of me. "How can you create passive income and write full-time? How do you think you can find the time to do one, let alone the other?" Or perhaps the most common and favorite of my inner narrator, "How are you going to lose weight? You feed everyone and cooking is your stress relief." Some days answering why is far easier than battling the how. This is most prevalent in thoughts about my faith and what comes next. I can tell you why God would use me, but the how often evades. I am not talking about how in the moment, I am referring to that future how. How am I going to get where I feel God is calling me? How am I going to know that it is God's voice and not my own ambition?
I am not sure about you but I always think of David and Goliath when I hear, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". I am well aware that phrase belongs with Jesus and the boys in the New Testament, but it is such a tangible example with David and Goliath. Here you have this kid with a sling shot who does not hesitate, he handles business. The spirit of David and the anointing of God ruled the day. David did not let the facts perceived in the situation sway his resolve. His facts were based in spirit and therefore, he could not fail.
The Spirit is willing and God is most definitely working. I'm unfinished. I have more maturing to do and more knowledge to gain before I can step into whatever is next in my life. Scratch that, I have a lot of knowledge, I need more wisdom. I need that voice that constantly makes me question things to be silenced by the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. I have to remember that I am not just a servant needing to please a master. I am a daughter taking care of my Father in Heaven's business. When I mess up, He is there to joyfully and lovingly set my path straight.
Every time I feel a pull to take a next step in ministry, that little narrator inside my head screams "How do you know it is not your own ambition?". Part of me recognizes this is the enemy trying to trip me up. So much of what I did in the past was about bringing attention to myself, not always in a good way either. I do not want to be that kind of person. I want to be obedient and humble. With God's help, the inner narrator is going to be reminded of a few things. (1) I am a new creation and that prideful, arrogant person I was is not who I am now. (2) There is absolutely nothing I can't do if I am in God's will. (3) On those occasions when the flesh is weak and I forget whose child I am, my Heavenly Father will pick me up, dust me off and put me back on the right track.
Inner Voice
I just finished reading a blog from Michael Hyatt about our internal narrators entitled, "What Story Are You Telling Yourself". The concepts are not revolutionary to me. In fact I spent years telling probationers to stop listening to their own negative self-talk. Though this is not a foreign concept to me, I am certainly guilty of not taking my own advice.
My inner voice typically narrates things from the perspective of fear. Where I like to ask "why", the narrator in my head likes to ask "how"? I cannot explain it, but "how" has the tendency to scare the crap out of me. "How can you create passive income and write full-time? How do you think you can find the time to do one, let alone the other?" Or perhaps the most common and favorite of my inner narrator, "How are you going to lose weight? You feed everyone and cooking is your stress relief." Some days answering why is far easier than battling the how. This is most prevalent in thoughts about my faith and what comes next. I can tell you why God would use me, but the how often evades. I am not talking about how in the moment, I am referring to that future how. How am I going to get where I feel God is calling me? How am I going to know that it is God's voice and not my own ambition?
Flesh is Weak
I am not sure about you but I always think of David and Goliath when I hear, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". I am well aware that phrase belongs with Jesus and the boys in the New Testament, but it is such a tangible example with David and Goliath. Here you have this kid with a sling shot who does not hesitate, he handles business. The spirit of David and the anointing of God ruled the day. David did not let the facts perceived in the situation sway his resolve. His facts were based in spirit and therefore, he could not fail.
The Spirit is willing and God is most definitely working. I'm unfinished. I have more maturing to do and more knowledge to gain before I can step into whatever is next in my life. Scratch that, I have a lot of knowledge, I need more wisdom. I need that voice that constantly makes me question things to be silenced by the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. I have to remember that I am not just a servant needing to please a master. I am a daughter taking care of my Father in Heaven's business. When I mess up, He is there to joyfully and lovingly set my path straight.
Every time I feel a pull to take a next step in ministry, that little narrator inside my head screams "How do you know it is not your own ambition?". Part of me recognizes this is the enemy trying to trip me up. So much of what I did in the past was about bringing attention to myself, not always in a good way either. I do not want to be that kind of person. I want to be obedient and humble. With God's help, the inner narrator is going to be reminded of a few things. (1) I am a new creation and that prideful, arrogant person I was is not who I am now. (2) There is absolutely nothing I can't do if I am in God's will. (3) On those occasions when the flesh is weak and I forget whose child I am, my Heavenly Father will pick me up, dust me off and put me back on the right track.
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